Down On The Farm, Where The Atlantians Play
by Cadao
Summary: The Atlantians head back to the Farm, this time with some more Atlantian turned animals. Has no plot, or any real idea . . . Charge!
1. Chapter 1

Note: A Forest Sprite is a spirit that protects forests. At least, that's my impression of them. If its wrong, I'm sorry!

This is dedicated to AnAncientSpirit, who wanted a fic where the Atlantis team got turned into animals in Forget-Me-Not Valley.

STARRING : Joe Flanigan, Torri Higginson, Rachel Luttrell, David Hewlett, Paul McGillion, David Nykl

))STARGATE((  
A T L A N T I S

'The Farm', written by Cadao

One minute John Sheppard was in the Control Room, the next he was in a barn. Blinking in confusion, he looked up into the face of a young woman- who told him he would be a good little sheepy.

"Damn!" he tried to shout, but only ended up saying, "Baaaaa!"

The farmer-lady patted his head. No other sheep in the universe had ever glared so fiercely.

Could've been worse, he reasoned later. He could've been turned into a German Shepherd.

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He will never, ever, complain about the food on Atlantis again. Once you tasted fodder nothing else seemed quite so bad. Unfortunately, his taste buds didn't agree with him, and he ate about four trough-fulls of fodder before he realised what it was.

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"You did this to me!" a rooster snarled at Sheppard, when Sheppard had tried to explain to the Farmer that he was Colonel Sheppard of the Atlantis Expedition.

"Did what to you?" Sheppard asked, confused. The rooster's dark, and supposedly sinister reply sent Sheppard into laughter. It was coming from a rooster, after all.

"I'm a Wraith."

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That cow was getting annoying. No, he wasn't referring to the farmer. He meant an actual cow by the name of Koko. She was sarcastic and she had decided she liked Sheppard.

This wasn't a good thing.

Koko had a counter-act for everything he did, and the counter-acts were usually sarcastic, biting, with a hint of humor. However, when Wraith decided to pick on the sheep, Koko decided she needed soccer practice.

So Koko taking a liking to Sheppard wasn't a bad thing after all.

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"It's true!" Sheppard bellowed. Koko shook her head.

"Oh yes, you're a Lt. Colonel, used to live on a moon and now you're a sheep," she replied, eyebrow raised. Who knew cows could raise their eyebrows?

"Atlantis is not a moon!" Sheppard corrected sulkily. "It's a city on a planet!"

"Right. Lt. Colonel Sheep-ard."

"So not funny."

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He was naked. That evil farmer had sheered off all his wool, and now he felt embarrassingly nude. Koko offered little kindness, as she was laughing so hard she had to lay down.

Thank you, Koko. Exactly what he needed.

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Another sheep arrived. At first Sheppard ignored him, then heard an unmistakable, "This is a waste of my talents! I am the leading astrophysicist of Atlantis, not some - some - sheep!"

Rodney McKay, welcome to (bom bom bom) The Farm.

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"I'm not eating this stuff," McKay complained about the fodder. "It might have lemon in it!"

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "They don't feed sheep lemons."

McKay looked at him suspiciously then nibbled the fodder. Two seconds later - faster then Sheppard thought possible - all the food was gone and McKay was fatter. Happy and fatter.

"I don't think," Sheppard added. McKay's eyes went wide.

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"You know, I could get use to this . . . " McKay commented. He was using the fodder as a bed, laying on his back with his front hoofs behind his head. Sheppard glanced at him. "I mean, no Wraith attacks. No worrying about the world ending. No-"

"Durronamo!" Wraith shouted, and suddenly both sheep were drenched in sticky, wet, chicken feed.

"I. Hate. Wraith," Sheppard declared through gritted teeth.

"My wool!" McKay laminated.

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They were getting out of the hellish barn. After some scheming, McKay and Sheppard finally figured out a plan. They would jump over the fence, and then run like their little tails were lit on fire. Nothing heroic or fancy about it, but they knew they couldn't just walk out of the barn.

Koko was, of course, laughing at them. When McKay told her all the reasons why it would work (and what do you know you're a cow, anyway!) Koko just laughed harder.

McKay was first, and last. He took a running start, leaped - and landed on his stomach, on the fence. McKay groaned.

"Owwwww," he whined.

"I guess that's a 'no go'," Sheppard sighed. "Hey, McKay, you all right?"

"I think my intestines just ruptured," McKay moaned.

"You're a computer program, you don't have intestines," Sheppard pointed out.

"I hurt!" McKay wiggled off the fence, landing hard on his butt. His lower lip trembled.

Koko came over and offered him some of her fodder. At least she wasn't laughing.

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To heck with jumping fence. They were going to climb!

"Ug . . . ow! If I could just . . . climb . . . over!" McKay grunted. His front legs were not cooperating. "I feel fat! And heavy!"

"You are fat and heavy, McKat," Sheppard insisted.

"I'm a sheep, you bozo! Go herd your sheep!"

"You're the only other sheep." Sheppard took a running start, slamming into McKay and sending the other sheep over the fence.

"Aggggg!" McKay howled, landing in the crops. "I said herd your sheep, not hurt your sheep."

Sheppard tried to follow, but simply got stuck on the fence in much the same position McKay had been in when McKay had tried to jump it. "Damn. I mean, baaaaaaaaa!"

Koko back-kicked Sheppard's rear-end. He fell with a plop, his nose twisting out of shape.

His cussing and swearing was dutifully ignored by Koko. Though she did have the grace to say, "You're out, what more could you want?"

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A way out! Woo-hoo! YEAH!

"Okay, McKay, let me see if I got this right. We climb the mountain -"

"And then we're out!"

"So, what do we do once we are at the top?"

"Haven't a clue. But we'll be outta here!"

"Good point. Forward!"

A few minutes later...

"Damn!"

"McKay! You said nothing about the road leading right back here!"

"There was no information on this type of dilemma in the Atlantian Vacation Guidebook!"

"Excuses."

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"Is that a person?" Sheppard asked, coming up to a shape.

"You dim-witted Neanderthal. That's a scare-crow," McKay snapped.

Sheppard looked up at it. "Well, look at it! It looks like a person!"

"Right." McKay rolled his eyes, deciding not to point out that scarecrows are suppose to look like people.

"Well it does!" Sheppard insisted.

They wandered around the Neighbor's farm for a bit. Then Sheppard stated, "Person!"

"We just talked about that. Its the scare-crow." McKay was losing all his patience. They hadn't found a way out of this weird-land yet, he was hungry, and he was sure he needed about twenty gallons of coffee. (Can you imagine a sheep high on caffeine?)

"Would you look at that!" Sheppard pulled out some of the scarecrow's straw with his mouth. "Yum! Edible scare-crow!" He grinned.

McKay rolled his eyes. Why did Sheppard have to be so light-hearted about everything?

"HEY! Get out of the garden!" someone shouted. The sheep looked at each other in alarm and ran off for The Farm, hoping that they could 'jump fence' or that the gate was open.

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It was a strange sight that greeted them one morning. A chicken having a sparring match with one of the Forest Sprites. McKay offered to jump the fence and talk to her, but Sheppard pointed out they had tried numerous times to 'jump fence' and each time ended in bitter defeat.

When the chicken won she hurried over. "Doctor McKay! Colonel Sheppard!"

Teyla the Chicken. Somehow that just didn't sit right.

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Teyla pecked the ground, glanced up at Koko, then went back to pecking. When she scored on a worm, she yanked it out and ran over to Wraith, dropping it in his feed. Being sulky, Wraith didn't realise the worm was there. Until he gagged.

"TEYLA!" Wraith bellowed. Teyla ran to McKay, the nearest sheep, laughing her head off.

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"Squid believes in me!" Wraith was singing at the top of his lungs one morning. Teyla had her ears covered, McKay was munching, and Sheppard was actually dancing to the tune.

"I've been having fun with monkeys, and squid! Squid! Squid! It was my best friend! I had a squid, and I don't think it liked me. Cause it always inked me! And I was always black! Even when from the laundry I came back! Buuuuuuuuuut! Squid believes in me! Yeah, yeah, Squid believes in me!"

Both Wraith and Sheppard sang the verse thrice before McKay finally bellowed, "SHUT UP!"

Teyla nodded in agreement. Wraith and Sheppard looked at each other. Then broke into song again, this time using 'McKay' instead of 'Squid', and singing 'McKay hates me, oh he hates me!' instead of 'Squid believes in me!' It knocked the tune off a bit, but both singers seemed to be enjoying themselves far too much to care.

McKay growled.

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"I'm here to drop off those ducks you wanted!" A voice yelled. McKay looked over. There was Vesta, their neighbor, coming into the farm with a cage of two ducks. One of them had strange markings around its eyes. McKay squinted. Looked like glasses - except they were made of feathers.

Vesta shrugged, and let the ducks loose. The one with glasses hurried away, heading for the pond. The other glared up at Vesta.

"Are you the one that has been kidnapping my team! What have you done to them?"

McKay grinned (some grass fell from his mouth) and shouted, "Elizabeth! Doctor Weir!"

The duck twirled around. "Rodney!"

It was her. Which meant . . . "Is the other duck -"

"Yes, I am Redek Zelenka." The Glasses Duck called from his spot in the pond. "Should try this, Doctor Weir. Refreshing."

Weir groaned, "Great."

"Hey! I have been asking for pool for long time!" Zelenka insisted. "I am enjoying. Will get us out later!"

McKay simply shrugged and went back to what he did best in his current position - he nibbled grass.

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Koko was using Wraith as a soccer ball again, sending the little rooster into the pond. Weir and Zelenka panicked, paddling away as fast as possible, shouting, "Wraith! Wraith!"

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"Wraith?" McKay questioned one afternoon. Teyla and Wraith looked up from their pecking. (Actually, they were pulling out grass. McKay didn't want to know what they were going to do with it.) Since neither spoke up, McKay continued, "I want out. You hate me for being such a genius and getting in the way of your galaxy domination -"

Wraith snickered in that 'excuse me?' way. Teyla simply raised her eyebrow. McKay bristled, but decided to ignore the implied statements, choosing to instead tell his plan,

"I give you permission to try to kill me. Or eat me. Or something. Can you still eat us?" McKay suddenly realised that the rooster had never tried to suck the energy out of anyone.

Wraith's eyes were glinting. "Well, if you insist, Doctor!"

McKay's eyes widened. "NO! I mean, you can kill me if it's quick, painless, and not slow torture!"

Teyla rolled her eyes and went back to harvesting grass. Wraith pouted for a few seconds before nodding.

"Okay, then!" He ran off. McKay watched the place Wraith had run too, dread filling him as he realised what he had done.

'Oh poopy do,' he silently muttered.

Wraith came back with the Farmer's sickle, and before anyone could do anything, took a swipe at McKay's head. The sickle bounced off of the sheep's noggin, and the rooster went flying into the pond.

"WRAITH! WRAITH!" Zelenka's and Weir's shouts mingled with Wraith's cussing and Sheppard's laughing.

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They all found out what Teyla and Wraith were doing with the grass. The lot of them woke up one morning, came outside, and found three messages for anyone flying overhead to see. One was in Wraith, one was in Athosian, and one was very clearly 'SUFTF!'

"Suftf?" McKay read. "I get the other messages, but what is Suftf?"

"Save Us From The Farm," Wraith and Teyla intoned.

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The Farmer came riding into the fenced-area, pulling her horse to a stop. She slid off, patted the horse on the nose, then went on her business. The horse didn't even glance at the three animals that were near him, as he was too busy glaring gloomily into his water-trough.

"So, we are thinking," Zelenka began, speaking to Weir. McKay picked up the discussion, "We should -"

"Redek? Rodney?" the horse interrupted. Weir, McKay, and Zelenka looked to the horse.

"Carson!" Weir grinned.

"Aye," Beckett stated cautiously.

"Oh good. If the Farmer comes after us with a hack-saw and a market-deal, we have a doctor on call," McKay observed wryly.

"We are on farm!" Zelenka butt in helpfully.

"Aye, but why am I a horse, lad?" Beckett wondered, ears twitching.

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Zelenka toed a rock. He measured the distance from the rock to his target. Then with one graceful movement (Well, okay. Not graceful. And who knew Sheppard was behind him, anyway?) he swung his club (So its just a tree branch, use your imagination!) and grinned as the rock went sailing.

A few minutes later one little duck was running as fast as he could from one pissed off horse.

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"All right, people! We are going to swim!" Weir announced. Everyone looked at her as if she were nuts. "We can't go up. We cannot wait for help. We will swim out, to the ocean! Beckett can open the gate for us, and -"

"With respect," Zelenka broke in. "Have you, hm . . . " He looked to McKay.

"Are you insane?" McKay supplied. "Swimming? You're a duck, Elizabeth. Sheppard and I are sheep. Teyla is a chicken. Wraith . . . can die, but the point is, where do you purpose we go once we get out to sea? Given we don't drown first."

Weir looked from McKay to a sickle, then back to McKay. Everyone went for a swim that night, and they all somehow managed to end up back in the barn.

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"I give up," McKay declared one morning. "I am here. I am a sheep. A brilliant sheep, but a sheep. I am going to nibble fodder, chew grass, and produce wool for the farmer. But if she comes at me with anything that doesn't include getting my wool, I bite her good and hard."

"So will I," Sheppard agreed. "You're my astrophysicist."

McKay blinked at him. "I am? I mean . . . I am?"

"Clueless," Wraith told Teyla. She nodded.

"I give up as soon as I am in pool!" Zelenka called from the pond. "Find your own way out!"

"But I am not a bloody horse!" Beckett snarled.

"Bah bah black sheep . . . " Sheppard started to sing.

Wraith settled down beside Beckett and started a conversation on bugs. Beckett did not look impressed.

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"How do we get out of this Valley?" Weir wondered. The animals that were once the Atlantis Expedition piled around the Barn. Wraith was there as well, intent on leaving, even if he had to go with the Atlantians. So far they had tried leaving via the path the led out of the valley, swimming out to the ocean, even killing each other. Nothing worked.

And then a voice, booming everywhere: END GAME! ALL PLAYERS, BACK TO ORIGINAL UNIVERSE.

The Atlantis Gateroom was suddenly crowded with animals, who then promptly turned back to their human/wraith selves. They all looked at each other in amazement and relief, and everyone let loose a bunch of cheers. Another round of cheers issued when they realised they were not naked.

Wraith coughed then decided, "You don't tell anyone what I was and I won't say anything about Atlantis." He paused. "Doctor McKay, I am sorry for dumping chicken feed on you."

"Hey!" Sheppard protested.

"And you, Colonel Sheppard."

"No problem." McKay held out his hand, and he and Wraith shook hands.

Only after everyone said goodbye to Wraith and he left did it occur to them they could of put him in a cell. Or kept him as a team mate . . . didn't seem so bad . . . until someone pointed out he'd eat them once he realised he no longer could do with solid foods.

CREDITS

Joe Flanigan - Major John Sheppard / Torri Higginson - Doctor Elizabeth Weir / Rachel Luttrell - Warrior Teyla Emmagan / David Hewlett - Doctor Rodney McKay / Paul McGillion - Doctor Carson Beckett / David Nykl - Redek Zelenka

Stargate Atlantis and all related ideas copyright MGM / Harvest Moon and all related ideas copyright Natsume / 'The Squid Song' copyright Adam Gladue / Koko the Sarcastic Cow copyright AnAncientSpirit and Cadao

This story was created as a free form of entertainment for SGA : Stargate Atlantis fans everywhere in the world. No money has been made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

End Note: All Atlantis personnel (and Wraith) were returned to their rightful place, and no permanent damage was done. They will be ready for another adventure come the next episode.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's another shot at my so-called humor. This time 'round, I shall give this dedication to AutumnStarr.

I know a few of these people are dead, but lets pretend that no one notices that their walkin' 'round, an' talkin'. This thing's pointless anyway . . .

STARRING : Joe Flanigan, Torri Higginson, Rachel Luttrell, David Hewlett, Rainbow Sun Franks, Paul McGillion, David Nykl

))STARGATE(  
A T L A N T I S

'Twice We Go 'Round', written by Cadao

Doctor Lacey Anderson hated the late night shift. She was naturally a noisy person, but Mister I'm Head of the Scientists didn't like noise while he worked.

Tonight said jerk was working on something he found a few weeks ago. He said it had something to do with the way a bunch of them disappeared a while ago. McKay said it was like a mirror in Area Fifty One, except you could actually dial up the reality - you didn't need to guess.

Anderson wondered why McKay was so intent on figuring out which reality they went to and why. Just destroy it, that was what she thought they should do.

Doubly so when McKay burst into maniac laughter, leaping up and running out of the lab.

In the conference room:

"So you mean . . . whatever the first person that goes in thinks of, then all players will be transported into a universe that has it for a reality? But it's still a game?" Sheppard inquired. McKay nodded.

"That'd be it. See, each thought and idea that you can conceive, is a real reality somewhere. It is also a comic book, a movie, a TV series . . . and I think I got the address for Our Farm."

"We are a TV series in another reality?" Beckett wondered.

"Yes," McKay confirmed. Sheppard looked around and under the table. Weir raised her eyebrow. Sheppard explained,

"Cameras." After a few moments of awkward silence, Sheppard waved at the air. "Hi, Atlantis fans! Thanks for watching, thanks for reading, thanks for writing, thanks for everything!" He paused. "And please make me sleep with Weir." Weir smacked him. "What, you're hot!" Weir smacked him again. "But I will not say so, since you deserve respect." Weir nodded in satisfaction.

"Wait . . ." McKay peered at Sheppard, causing the other man to back up. "Harvest Moon?"

"Wasn't me. Wraith was there first!"

This announcement had everyone in the room silent, before thunderous laughter emitted from them. Everyone within hearing distance questioned the sanity of the occupants of the Conference Room, and whether or not the underlings should put in for transfer back to Earth. Just in case.

Two hours later . . .

"Dial faster!" Sheppard poked McKay in the sides. Everyone that had been on the Farm was waiting for McKay to finish the sequence, along with a group of Newbies that wanted a vacation. Complete with Sora, the prisoner from that Genii Storm-thing episode. (They don't say where she's gone, right?)

"I am dialing as fast as humanly possible!" McKay snapped back.

"It's not fast enough!"

"Look, you -"

ZAP!

McKay took a deep breath. "Oh . . . home." He sank to the ground, the grass effectively hiding the newly -turned astrophysicist sheep. Sheppard laid down beside McKay.

"I never thought I'd say this with joy, but . . . BAAAAAAAA!" After which he grinned like a fool. A floppy eared dog went running away, singing with Sora's voice,

"Oh, I'm back on the farm! No evil wraith to feeeeeed, on me! I'm on a farm, I'm under the sky, and I think I'll go eat that green thiiiiiing!"

"That was awful," Grodin declared. McKay glanced at Grodin, seeing a black cat. Ford went zipping by in the form of a ram. McKay grinned.

"Duronimo!" Wraith's voice cheered out, and both sheep were drench in wet, sticky, chicken feed.

"My wool!" McKay cried out.

"Wraith!" Sheppard called out with glee.

"Duronimo!" Wraith repeated, leaping off the barn's roof and landing in between the sheep. "Me friends!" Wraith rubbed his hands (well, wings, really) together. "So, what're we doing?"

"My wool!" McKay whimpered. "Last time it took three hours to get it clean!"

"But what are we doin'?" Wraith insisted. Sheppard glanced at Wraith, asking causally,

"So, you play Harvest Moon, huh?"

McKay never forgave Sheppard for asking that. The two sheep had a four hour lecture on the wonderfulness that was Harvest Moon, and how it did a Wraith good after a long day of cleaning the loos. Who knew Wraith was a janitor?

After finally saying his piece, Wraith trailed into the barn. McKay rolled over, bleating, "I'm so bored I died."

Sheppard moaned in agreement. After a few moments, Sheppard wondered, "Why are we still here? We should get moving! Do something!"

McKay sprung up. The two sheep looked at the fence, locked eyes with each other, and bleated in unison, "Jump fence!"

Half an hour later, two scared as shit sheep bellowed into the farm, Vesta right behind them with a broom.

"Eat my cabbages, will you!" she screamed. Once safely inside the grass, Sheppard mooned Vesta.

"Come an' get my woolly ass, ya old farm fart," he taunted. McKay pushed his cheeks with his hoofs while sticking his tongue out. Vesta shouted angrily. Both sheep ignored her, deciding that munching on grass was a much better activity.

Sheppard wandered away after a few moments, going to the pond and settling in for a snooze.

"Blind the enemy and run!" Zelenka bellowed, making a getaway through McKay's legs. The Canadian sheep squeaked and ran for cover as he realised a very angry Scottish horse was after a completely insane Czech duck.

McKay watched the two of them with amusement. Two minutes ticked by before Mckay hummed a happy hum, settling in beside Sheppard.

In the background McKay could hear Zelenka laughing through the sounds of horse gallops. Weir waddled over, glancing at her two renegade team members before squatting down in between McKay and Sheppard.

"So," she began only to be interupted.

"I am weird, and I am proud!" Zelenka screamed as he made a loop-de-loop around the trio and pond. Beckett chased after Zelenka, not caring that he was goin' 'round and 'round. Actually, if McKay could judge his friends correctly, both were having a damn good time.

"You're insane," Sheppard decided on Zelenka's fifth loop.

"People who are insane think they are not insane, and I know I am insane so I am not insane, I am weird!" Zelenka explained before making off for the chicken coop, Beckett nearly right behind him.

"Right," Weir nodded.

"Logic in its entirety," McKay added.

"Home, home on the farm!" Ford sang. "Right where we Atlantians play! We eat chicken feed, we run 'round happily, and munch on grass all day! Everybody!"

Wraith, Grodin and Teyla joined in the song, and soon all three where making up their own verses, then repeating them with the others.

McKay went to sleep happy, using Sheppard as a drool-pillow.

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McKay woke up the next morning to Sora andFord singing this, "Puddle Jumper! Puddle Jumper! Puddle skippin' through the 'Gate! Puddle Jumper! Puddle Jumper! Crashin' over those nasty Wraith! Puddle Jumper! Puddle Jumper! Puddle Jumper, 1,2,3! Puddle Jumper, over me!"

Sheppard groaned. "Shut up the kids, Rodney," he muttered.

"SHUT UP, WE'RE SLEEPING!" McKay bellowed.

"OR YOU'RE GROUNDED!" Weir added, peeking out from under a huge leaf.

"I'm here!" Sora sang. "You can't shut me up, no no ! I'm here to sing, yeah, yeah!"

"We need a bull, so they can charge her," McKay grumbled crossly.

"14.95 a minute," Sheppard agreed sleepily.

"Crash over the Wraith!" Sora shouted. A few seconds later a little rooster came running out of the barn, wailing,

"They're picking on me! Sheppard, do something!"

"Asle four," Sheppard grumbled before rolling over. Wraith stared at the sheep for a second before turning on McKay. "Heeeelp me!" Wraith whined, tugging on McKay's wool.

Weir waddled away, not wanting to contend with Sora and Wraith. She dearly regreted it a moment later when a rock that was aimed at Beckett hit her on the head instead. Zelenka rushed over, babbling in Czech. Weir groaned.

"I am sorry!" Zelenka finished his rambling.

Weir blinked at him, saying, "S'thats cool. Theres fours duckies . . . "

"WAHHHHHHHH!" Wraith broke in, the rooster running to the chicken coop. A few moments later, Sora went charging by, yelling, "I'm sorry, Wraith! Don't eat my puppy-treats!"

Zelenka bit his lower bill. Weir shook her head, her eyes becoming more focused.

"You!" she snarled. Zelenka's eyes widened. With a squeak, the Czech duck ran from the American duck, not wanting to be turned intoCzech duck pie.

"Go for a refreshing dip in the pond, I beg of you!" Zelenka quacked.

"You ain't begging yet!" Weir screamed.

Ford 'accidently' kicked Weir into the pond, giving Zelenka an extra five seconds to hide behind Beckett. Weir skidded to a halt and eyed the rather large, and probably very strong, Scottish horse.

"Erm," Weir decided. "You can have him." She turned tail, aiming for the pond.

"My fooooood!" Sora wailed. "Aiden, get him!" She pointed at Wraith. Ford obliged, ramming into the little rooster at full speed.

"Cheater!" Wraith's voice echoed as he went over the Farmer's House. He landed right on top of Grodin.

"OI!" Grodin yelped, scrambling away.

"Sorry," Wraith moaned.

Grodin peered at Wraith, stating, "And they say chickens don't fly."

"I ain't a fly," Wraith protested.

Across the farm, Teyla, McKay, Sheppard and Weir were sitting down around the water trough.

Sheppard wondered, "I wonder what O'Neill's doin'?"

"Probably saving Earth from another threat," McKay muttered bitterly, then bent down to drink the water in front of him.

Teyla cocked her head. "He is the man with the 'gravity's-pulling-me-down-face', right?"

McKay snorted in his water. "Hey! You do not talk about General O'Neill that way! Ever! You-"

"Rodney, we aren't talking about Carter." Sheppard rolled his eyes.

McKay almost said something, but let it drop. Weir patted his shoulder, then waddled under the trough. McKay and Sheppard followed her with their eyes, both sheep going flat on the ground and cocking their heads.

"What are we doing?" Zelenka wondered. The sheep snapped back into normal positions. Teyla answered Zelenka,

"We are discussing gravity's effects on General O'Neill."

Sheppard snorted a laugh while McKay threw Teyla a sour look. Zelenka raised a feathered brow.

"I see." He hopped up onto the fence, bending down for a drink. At that moment Weir struck, coming out of her hiding place and pushing a shocked Zelenka right into the water.

"Weir!" Zelenka sputtered.

"Throw a rock at me, will you!" Weir screeched, making a getaway. Zelenka struggled to the side of the trough, muttering dark words in Czech all the way. He hollered,

"She retaliated!"

Weir stumbled to a stop, turning and singing, "Na nana na! What cha gonna do, eh?"

Beckett snorted into the ground behind Weir. The duck turned.

"Oh. Well, I guess he's an effective bodyguard . . . " she decided before running as hard as she could, hoping that ducks where faster then horses. She yelped, "I'm your superior!"

"Not as a duck, ye not!" Beckett replied.

Zelenka waddled away from the water trough with a very satisfied look on his face.

"Let's not get Beckett or Zelenka angry," Sheppard whispered to his best friends.

"Good idea," McKay agreed.

"Very wise decision," Teyla nodded.  
The three of them glanced at each other, then went back to what they where doing with Weir : gossiping all about Atlantis. And drinking water.

Who needs a water cooler when you have a water trough, anyway?

"I'm going to get you," Weir muttered to herself. She was inching through the grass, belly low, and beak slowly parting grass as she went. "I'll show you."

Zelenka was right there! Right there!

"Ah-hem?" Beckett wondered. "What ye doin', Miss Weir?"

"Erm . . . " Weir started.

END GAME! ALL PLAYERS, BACK TO ORIGINAL UNIVERSE.

"QUACK!" Weir clamped her hands over her mouth. They were human! She glanced around then self-consciously stood up. Beckett grinned at her.

"I'm human!" Sheppard bleated. McKay glanced around, pulled out a mirror, gazed at it, then kissed it.

Zelenka was on his knees (he had been sitting by the pond) and with a grumble, he crossed his arms in a pout.

"No pool," he muttered.

"This . . . this feels weird . . ." Weir waddled a few spaces forward, then frowned. She went a few more feet, but walking like the Goose in The Aristocats. "S'not fair!" she wailed.

"YOU!" Wraith's bellow made everyone freeze. He was pointing at Sora. The Genii held her head up high, and she was not the only one flabbergasted when Wraith burst into tears. "You picked on me! You're so mean! Sheppard!"

Sheppard stiffened as a fully-grown male Wraith wrapped his arms around Sheppard. "Hold me!"

Sheppard patted Wraith's back. "S'okay . . . just don't snack on me . . ."

"Wahhh. She's so mean! Kill her! Kill her!"

"I am not mean!" Sora stomped her foot. "I'm expressive!"

Beckett patted her arm. "You can be right mean, Lassie." At her glare, the physician inched backwards. "But you're also very, very nice . . . sweet, kind, wonderful!"

Sora grinned, and trotted up to him. "Really?" She batted her eyes. Beckett paled.

"Och - " Beckett swallowed a lump. "I did not mean - ye're very pretty, lass, but -"

"BUT!" Sora roared.

McKay and Sheppard stood still as the rest of Atlantis ran for the hills. Sora turned her watery eyes to them, lower lip trembling. She wondered, "Am I that bad?"

"Erm . . ." McKay shook his head. Sheppard looked from Sora to McKay, took hold of McKay's hand, then joined the rest of Atlantis in hiding.

CREDITS

Joe Flanigan - Major John Sheppard / Torri Higginson - Doctor Elizabeth Weir / Rachel Luttrell - Warrior Teyla Emmagan / David Hewlett - Doctor Rodney McKay / Rainbow Sun Franks - Lieutenant Aiden Ford / Paul McGillion - Doctor Carson Beckett / David Nykl - Doctor Redek Zelenka

Stargate Atlantis and all related ideas copyright MGM / Harvest Moon and all related ideas copyright Natsume

This story was created as a free form of entertainment for SGA : Stargate : Atlantis fans everywhere in the world. No money has been made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Note : All Atlantis personnel (and Wraith) were returned unharmed. No animals were harmed in the making of this story. Thank you to AnAncientSpirit for the Puddle Jumper Song and the 'gravity is pulling his face down' drabble'. What Sora did after the story's duration is not the author's responsibility. (In the back ground you hear screaming and explosions.) End Note.


End file.
